Sam’s Bad Boy

John Bull probably won’t want to babysit

by Bryan Zepp Jamieson

11/18/03

http://www.zeppscommentaries.com/Humor/badboy.htm

"John, this is Sam!"

"Sam! How are you? It’s been a donkey’s age! How’s Libby and the boy?

"Libby’s fine. As for the boy, well, he’s not dead or in jail, so I guess that counts for something."

John rolled his eyes and remembered that Sam’s boy had gotten his own son into all kinds of hot water just a few months earlier. There were times when John wished they hadn’t done away with the old work homes. Even a brief stint in the military had failed to straighten out Sam’s whelp. "I’m glad to hear that, Sam. I know you have had a time with that lad."

"How’s Britney and Tony?"

"Oh, they’re both fine. Tony broke up with Claire, you know, and he just sort of moped about the place for a while, but you know these youngsters. Resilient."

"Oh, yes, I remember my youth. Remember when I broke up with Dixie?"

"Oh, heavens, yes. I thought you were going to disintegrate completely."

"But I didn’t, did I?"

"No, you didn’t. As I said, resilient."

"John, I called to ask you a little favor."

"Anything, anything at all, old friend!"

"Could George come to visit you for a few days? He’s having a rough patch again, and I think getting away and seeing Tony will do him some good."

"Oh." John considered. George, Sam’s son, had annoyed some of his neighbors in the recent past, and quite a few feathers were ruffled. Still, he and Sam went back a long way. "I suppose it would be OK. A few days, you say?"

"That’s all. He and Tony can just kind of hang out, and everyone will know that everything’s going ok between our two boys. Give the neighbors the idea that both have learned how to get along and all that."

John wasn’t sure that showing that those two could get along with each other meant they could get along with anyone else. The last time they got together, they picked a fight with that little Arab kid down the street, and John was still hearing about that one from irate neighbors.

"All right. I suppose it wouldn’t do any harm."

"OK, thanks a lot. I’ll send him on over. Um, there are a couple of things I would like to ask you to do, though."

"Name them."

"Well, first, we both know my boy didn’t exactly get along with some of your friends and neighbors, and I’m a little worried about that. Could you see your way clear to keeping an eye open for me, and making sure nobody gives him a hard time?"

John sighed, reflecting that the concern was probably a legitimate one. "My neighbor across the street is a cop. I’ll ask him to keep an eye peeled for any trouble."

"Thanks. Do you think you could encourage your neighbors to keep their kids home for a few days?"

"Well, I could ask them, I suppose..."

"Also, could you kinda shore up your place a bit?"

"I don’t understand."

"Well, you know, swap out your windows with bulletproof glass, reinforce your walls with some masonry, that kind of thing." Sam’s voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "I’m worried that they might try to bomb your place while George is there."

"What did George do, anyway?"

"Nothing serious. It’s just his personality problems. You know how it is."

"Um, let me think about that that."

"I’ll pay. I’ve got the money."

"I’m quite sure, but I rather like my house the way it is."

"How about putting up some sure-stops out front of your place?"

"What are sure-stops?"

"Oh, you know. Those concrete post things that stop cars and trucks from ramming your picture window in."

"Why would I want . . . Oh. George’s personality. Right, right..."

"Also, could you contact the mayor and ask him to block all traffic for five blocks around your place for the time George is visiting?"

"Sam, the subway runs past just a block from here, and the airport is only four blocks away."

"Well, ask the mayor to close those, too."

"Don’t you think that’s a bit unreasonable?"

"I’m only concerned for my son’s safety."

"Well, you realize that Tony is quite capable of taking care of himself, and is up to the task of defending George if that should become necessary, you know."

"Oh, I’m sure, I’m sure. Say, John, that reminds me. I’m sending a couple of George’s friends along with him. Could you see to it that if they end up beating up anyone who threatens my boy, they won’t get arrested for it."

"What? You mean, like diplomatic immunity?"

"Yeah! That’s what I was trying to think of! If there is trouble, and they work over some people, I don’t want them tied up in your police station afterward. It would look bad."

"Sam, I really don’t know..."

"What’s the problem, John?"

"Well, I’m not sure I want to go through all that because your boy keeps getting in trouble and annoying people."

"He really is trying to improve..."

"Oh, I’m sure, I’m sure. But maybe you could send him to visit Vlad. I remember that they got along famously."

"Well, Vlad has developed some bad habits, and some of them are the ones that I’m trying to get George way from, like assaulting neighbors and stealing their money."

"Well, what to you hope to gain from sending George here? I certainly don’t countenance thuggery or stealing! Why do you want to send him to me?

"Because I want him to be seen with Tony, so people will know he’s respected and well-liked."

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For anyone who didn’t "get" this: here’s the news stories that led to this piece. Truth really is stranger than fiction.

'Shoot-to-kill' demand by US

Martin Bright, home affairs editor

Sunday November 16, 2003

The Observer

Home Secretary David Blunkett has refused to grant diplomatic immunity to armed American special agents and snipers travelling to Britain as part of President Bush's entourage this week.

In the case of the accidental shooting of a protester, the Americans in Bush's protection squad will face justice in a British court as would any other visitor, the Home Office has confirmed.

The issue of immunity is one of a series of extraordinary US demands turned down by Ministers and Downing Street during preparations for the Bush visit.

These included the closure of the Tube network, the use of US air force planes and helicopters and the shipping in of battlefield weaponry to use against rioters.

In return, the British authorities agreed numerous concessions, including the creation of a 'sterile zone' around the President with a series of road closures in central London and a security cordon keeping the public away from his cavalcade.

The White House initially demanded the closure of all Tube lines under parts of London to be visited during the trip. But British officials dismissed the idea that a suicide bomber could kill the President by blowing up a Tube train. Ministers are also believed to have dismissed suggestions that a 'sterile zone' around the President should be policed entirely by American special agents and military.

Demands for the US air force to patrol above London with fighter aircraft and Black Hawk helicopters have also been turned down.

The President's protection force will be armed - as Tony Blair's is when he travels abroad - and around 250 secret service agents will fly in with Bush, but operational control will remain with the Metropolitan Police.

The Americans had also wanted to travel with a piece of military hardware called a 'mini-gun', which usually forms part of the mobile armoury in the presidential cavalcade. It is fired from a tank and can kill dozens of people. One manufacturer's description reads: 'Due to the small calibre of the round, the mini-gun can be used practically anywhere. This is especially helpful during peacekeeping deployments.'

Ministers have made clear to Washington that the firepower of the mini-gun will not be available during the state visit to Britain. In return, the Government has agreed to close off much of Whitehall during the visit - the usual practice in Britain is to use police outriders to close roads as the cavalcade passes to cause minimal disruption to traffic.

A Home Office spokeswoman said: 'Negotiations between here and the US have been perfectly amicable. If there have been requests, they have not posed any problems.'

An internal memo sent to Cabinet Office staff and leaked to the press this weekend urged staff to work from home if at possible during the presidential visit. Serious disruption would be caused by 'the President Bush vehicle entourage requesting cleared secured vehicle routes around London and the security cordons creating a sterile zone around him'.

Meanwhile, negotiations are continuing between police and demonstrators about the route of the march. Representatives of the Stop the War Coalition will meet police at Scotland Yard tomorrow to discuss whether protesters will be able to march through Parliament Square and Whitehall. Spokesman Andrew Burgin said he hoped for 'a good old-fashioned British compromise'. -

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Queen Elizabeth Rejects Security Fortifications for Bush Visit

Tim Walker, The London Sunday Telegraph, November 16, 2003

http://washingtontimes.com/world/20031115-114751-3194r.htm

LONDON -- Queen Elizabeth II has rejected a request from President Bush's security advisers to bolster Buckingham Palace's structural defenses against a terrorist attack during his state visit to Britain this week.

Senior royal officials say the queen was not willing to countenance "bomb and airborne assault proofing" that would have involved substantial building work at her London home.

The Americans fear al Qaeda terrorists are planning an attack when the president and his wife, Laura, stay for three nights in the ground-floor Belgian Suite at the palace.

"They [the Americans] wanted blast- and bullet-proofed windows and curtains and some strengthening to the walls of the president's suite and other rooms at the palace where he would be spending time. The president's security men seem obsessed with the idea of an airborne attack on the palace," a royal official said.

"Her majesty takes the view that no amount of strengthening of windows and walls could protect the president in such an eventuality and that the work would cause disruption and involve discarding original fixtures and fittings."

The queen has also limited the number of American security staff who will be accommodated at the palace.

"Her majesty's view throughout was that since there are going to be 5,000 British police officers involved in the security operation for the president, it's not unreasonable to expect her guests to have some faith in their abilities."

Britain's security services have been placed on a higher level of alert for Mr. Bush's visit. The "severe general" alert, the second highest, follows information about plots by al Qaeda supporters from North Africa.

The Sunday Telegraph also learned that two suspected al Qaeda terrorists were stopped from entering Britain last week because it was feared they were plotting an assassination attempt on the president, using antiwar protests as a cover.

A senior intelligence official said: "We are aware of an al Qaeda plot and we know of at least two individuals who have been stopped from coming into the country during the last week. Another person is known to be in the country, but the situation is under control."

The queen will officially welcome the president in a unique ceremony on the forecourt of Buckingham Palace on Wednesday morning.